the flaw in this relationship"

he takes me for granted

i'm over-possesive

both extremes of each other. whose patience runs out first will be the end point. who is willing to salvage what's left will then be another chapter in this story. until then, i'm taking it day by day.

i sleep too much!! i slept at 1+ yesterday and i only woke up at 1+ today. 12 hours of beauty sleep. good for my complexion but not good for my studies!! all my plans for studying were disrupted due to me over-sleeping. not to mention that i fell asleep after dinner just now. but it's alright. i believe i can do it!! i can finish all my studying in time!! yes! ^^v

silly me forgot to call my mommy today. >.< i hope she doesn't mind. it's my exams afterall.

changed my template to something more subtle and simple. i like it this way. -grins.

first paper today. 4 more papers and i'm done with all the visual basics, chemical bonding, probability and monetary policy my brain can take in a year. but before that, i have to study, study, study!! anyway, i'm thinking of changing one of my course for next year. now i'm not that sure i wanna take psychology only. considering a double degree. daddy would be happy too.

he's not happy. -sighs. i wish i can make him happier. but sometimes he can be the typical guy who doesn't want to tell you that something is wrong so that he doesn't seem vulnerable. absolutely hate it when he acts like that.

trimmed my own front hair. not much of a difference to the normal eye but to a trained eye, it's shorter! ok, fine. you can ignore me. but seriously, i didn't expect to trim my own front hair so nicely. i used to able to put in behind my eyes but now it falls just nicely, poking me in the eye. ^^

angela wants to meet up after the exams. andy's staying after the exam to accompany her while waiting for his results. so sweet~ anyway, i have been putting off meeting her for months now so i guess i really should be the nice friend and go out with her. that includes you too, beckie!!

i have a sudden craving for ice cream. >.<

watching to catch the uncatchable which is this really "mou liu" and funny hong kong series. i seem to get my hands on canto serials at the worst times.

my baby has an obsession with yahoo messenger. it can get on my nerves at times but it can be fun chatting with random girls using fake pics to show them how handsome you can be. haha... some people can be so gullible.

wyn, i hope you're fine. concentrate on your exams ok? your friends are always there for you. -hugz

magician keeps coming over to the hostel. i wouldn't mind if it wasn't the exam now. but i'm ever the good host so i always welcome him with open arms. just that he's seriously intefering with my studying plan. -grumbles.

farewell assembly yesterday. wasn't really a sad occasion as i expected it would be. one year sure pass by fast here. unlike back home where i know i can see my secondary friends again, i won't be seeing a lot them of again next year. karem and felipe won't be coming back and quite a number of the rest applied to uni not in melb. wonder when will i ever see them again...

finally watched dodgeball last night. have been saying that i wanted to watch it for ages. it was quite funny. typical ben stiller movie.

gotta start studying. exams on friday. 16 more days and i will be free. ^^

last day of school today. it felt so surreal. one year has just passed by in a blink of an eye. i hope i don't cry tomorrow during the assembly. -makes a face. don't like crying in front of a crowd. but i'm goin to miss all of them. especially the hostel peeps. everyone here has been like family to me. hope to be able to see most of them next year.

bought another aquapet today. this one is called kadet. forgot to note that the other one is called miku. they have names! haha... magician and genno bought it too. -grins. let's see. 2 down, 4 to more to go.


second lil' cutie... resembles kenny from south park, doesn't it?

went to eat some thai bbq thingy just now. it was quite good. now i'm all stuffed and bloated. feel like a balloon. went to safeway after that. walked around with my baby while keipin pretended to be our "filipino" servant. haha. he was speaking cantonese with a phillipine accent. very very funny. if you have watched the recent movie starring gigi leung and lau ching wan which the title eludes me at the moment, you will know what i mean.

went to target today to buy this cute little thingy that makes noise and dance around when you talk to it. it's called aquapet. saw it at edith's room. she has 3. it's really really adorable. there's 5 or 6 to collect. hehe... prolly goin to collect all after the exams when i have all the time in my hands to go shopping. ^^


cute eh??

got this hk serial from edith to watch. called war and beauty. about the emporer's mistress and stuff. lots of blackmail and framing and corruption going on.

gotta study econs now! test tmr~ ><

been a busy week. been busy doin absolutely nothing. should really start studying this weekend. only have been doin maths' past papers. goin to school nowadays is pointless. i think it would be better if i stayed back and study. but then again the comp is such a big gulity pleasure for me. too addictive. can't stay away from it.

went for korean bbq just now. absolutely delicous. yum~ but i seem to never fail to burn myself when i'm in the presence of hot objects. have a red blister forming on my wrist now. ><~

my credit card has expired 2 weeks ago and i still haven't received my new one. daddy!! where are you???

karem's not coming back next year. -sobs. nay, don't get your hopes high up that i'm really gonna cry for him. seriously though, i will miss him. he has been a great friend especially a great listener. although i honestly think he makes a sucky boyfriend. haha... anyway, it makes me sad that i won't be seeing some of them anymore. -makes sad face. i will miss nunur, anisha, dexter, karem and probably even ahmed. -sighs.

speaking of nunur, thanks for the favour! sorry to bother you. muaks!

breakfast at vic market today. walked around enjoying the warm weather that will probably turn cold again soon considering how fickle-minded melbourne's weather is.

bored, tired, bored...

forgot to call my mommy this weekend. gotta call her tomorrow before she starts wondering what's wrong. was supposed to call yesterday but i fell asleep at 8.30pm and unfortunately got awoken by the bloody fire alarm at 5am. couldn't go back to sleep after that. ><

can it last?? why all the lies behind my back??

went to nandos for dinner last night. the minute we sat down after ordering our food, high��� called and said it was adam's birthday and told us to meet up with the rest at chinatown for dinner. so we had to rush through dinnner, go back and shower and walked all the way to chinatown and realized that the birthday boy was not there yet. = =" when everyone arrived, all 26 of us went to red silk for dinner. halfway through, fergus decided to mix all the dishes together into a white colour milk shake like thingy that surprisingly looks delicious. said he wanted to drink to adam. chicken out though.

watched anacondas: hunt for the blood orchid. mildly entertaining. watch it only if you have nothing better to do.

sharon told me that there's only 10 more days of school left. didn't realized how fast time flies by. soon i will be on the plane home and leaving my baby. -sobs. gonna miss him to bits. hate doin the long-distance thing. -sighs.

the pastoral care lady is officially nuts. i went in to get my green card and when i told her i did phoned the school on the day i was absent, she was so escatic that i swear she was high on air. she went "darling, i'm so proud of you!! i'm so happy!!" saw her again after school and she actually kissed the air and said "i'm so happy for you!!" seriously... was that necessary? i know i rarely call but this is too much.

wynnie tay is so vain. while waiting for balqis, she took out her phone and while attempting to take her own picture, i heard her saying "i'm so cute i can't stand it." = ="

i hate computer science!!! bloody database. i think i seriously fcuked up on this test. i seem to be having problems understanding the questions. aarrgghhh...

watched resident evil: apocalypse. erm... now is a time when i believe that when you have nothing good to say, it's better to say nothing at all.

i keep a journal of memories
i'm feeling lonely, i can't breathe
i fall to pieces, i'm falling
fell to pieces and i'm still falling

got the vcd my mom sent me! yeah!! love my mommy. she enclosed this little note saying she miss me very much. aawww... i miss my mommy too. i wanna go home. -pouts.

received a message from daniel!! aahhh~ i miss that crazy girl so much. i hope she's having fun and studying hard in kl. still mad at you for leaving without a word, but then again, it's not your fault. take care ok?

speaking of receiving messages... chrystella dear, that was so unnecessary. so typical of you. -rolls eyes. haha... don't choose the wrong one again! love ya, my dear "so po".

been through up and downs these 2 weeks. finally got myself back on solid ground. the conversation with karem still rings in my head. i wish things were that easy. i have been trying to follow his advice but there's still that nagging feeling in my heart. -sighs. i hate being in love sometimes. love just plain sucks. being single can be so much more fun sometimes. like what karem said, "your friends will always be there for you, to cheer you up." ^^ i know... that's why i love you guys. but i love him a wee bit too much already. save me!! >.<

my blog has been really depressing lately. sorry to those out there who has to endure my sorry state of mind. can't seem to blog about happy things. but at least this provides an outlet for me to release my fustration.

had a heart to heart talk with karem last night. asked him a lot of questions that i want answered hoping that he could tell me what is wrong with me. he made me realized a lot of things is beyond my control and that i can only play along with it as it goes. enjoy the moment. at first, i was expecting him to be biased but he presented me with two points of views that i know i would never get if i talked to someone else. he's no relationship expert but he's a friend who is not afraid to tell the truth even though he knows the truth will hurt. too bad i'm still a bit unsure on what should i do. but thanks to karem anywayz. ^^ you definately made me realized a lot things. i just hope i'm able to do what is best for me.

got back my results today. bler~ definately worse than my mid-terms. surprising thing is my maths improved. -grins. mommy's gonna be proud.

i know what i want but i can't say it out. i don't have the guts to say it out when i know very well that i might regret it later. but i can't take this anymore. it's killing me inside day by day. i have 2 choices and both of them will send me over the edge. sometimes it seems worth it but then, nothing is as it seems.

beckie is right. there is something wrong with me. i admit it. i haven't been the same since last week. last week changed everything i believed in, everything i live for. my spirit is shattered. maybe one day it can be piece together once again, maybe it won't. right now i just want closure, and i still haven't gotten it yet.

i have come to the not so startling conclusion that all guys are bastards. why am i not surprise??

why am i still here?

i'm always thinking too much at night. my brain goes on overtime and i get pissed or depressed, depending on what i'm thinking.

i think he doesn't understand my situation. i wish there was a way i can get him to understand where i'm coming from but the whole mess is just diverted to another argument. it's taking it's toll on me. there is only this much that i can take. doesn't he know that you're supposed to give and take? i'm tired. i want this to end. maybe it might not end the way i want it to be but i just want some sort of closure. i'm really drained emotionally. i'm human after all.

you know who you are...

why can some people forgive the people who betrayed them, lied to them? how do they find it in their heart to forgive and forget? like the wife who forgives and takes back the cheating husband, the mother who forgives and still loves a son who killed someone. is this what they call love? seriously, i want to know. there is so much hate in the world today yet all this forgiveness is a bit overwhelming.